Posted by Anonymous on 2015/03/17 under Kids Tomorrow is going to be a big day. Ryders diagnosis. It has felt like forever to get here, and now that we are it hurts to breathe. My husband and I have fought exhaustion after the baby goes to sleep to stay awake and keep researching what this was and how to help him succeed. I have been doing my best to stay positive and optimistic and until today, when the Autism Clinic called and said there was a space for him tomorrow, I could’ve looked you in the eye and told you I’m ready and willing for this to be our path. Now all of the sudden, it’s different. All the confidence and determination I’ve sincerely had all these months is gone, and replaced with a very uncomfortable adrenaline rush and trembling hands. How’s Ryder handling this? He’s standing under the ceiling fan looking up at it while spinning in circles until he’s dizzy, then walking backwards across the kitchen floor. Translation: He’s completely oblivious to my nerves and is simply doing his nightly routine before bed. When I see how happy he is when he does these things it makes me so proud. I love everything about my son. Everything. I’m not nervous because I don’t want to raise a child with autism. I’m nervous because I know the potential that people with Asd have, and I’m worried I’m not going to be good enough to help him be great. There are a lot of tips we’ve gotten from AMAZING support groups and Ryder has already accomplished 3 missed milestones since we changed our routine this way. That is unbelievable. After tomorrow it’s not going to be this easy, and this isn’t easy. There’s going to be therapist, early intervention schools, and the pressure of me having to learn how to be a useful parent to his specific needs immediately. What if I don’t understand this condition enough to communicate with him properly? He has days where he’s very much “in his own world”. None of my desperate attempt at comfort even phase him. It’s like he looks right through us while he’s screaming and wandering around, but if we spin the ceiling fan he will instantly stop and smile the biggest smile you’ve ever seen. It’s is such an unnatural feeling to see your child do these things. Confusion, anxiety, and a fight or flight instinct all come over me for a quick second then disappear. I just want to be able to make that go away. I don’t want to “cure” autism. Autism is who he is, part of his brain and dna, and it can be au-some. I want the world to get educated about these amazing people who are just DIFFERENT not SICK. If we took the time to find out what ways to communicate and help them learn they might not feel so depressed or “anti-social”. Love them for who they are, because that’s what we expect for ourselves. Isn’t it? Mindi Brewer
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Hey.
Chill.
It’s going to be fine.
You’re going to be a fine mother.